Should You Bother Fixing Political Disputes With Your Parents? 1 Expert Weighs In.

The mother of NFL star Patrick Mahomes, Randi Mahomes, sparked a lot of chatter earlier this week after a video made the rounds online in which she enthusiastically declared her support for now-President-elect Donald Trump while wearing a red MAGA hat.
The Kansas City Chiefs player has not indicated that his mother’s political views have put any strain on their relationship. In fact, he has said that he wouldn’t use his platform to discuss politics — despite wife Brittany Mahomes’ apparent support for Trump.
But Randi Mahomes, a white mother of Black, biracial children, drew particular ire for backing Trump, who ran a campaign marked with a litany of racist remarks and rhetoric.
Trump’s victory Tuesday over Vice President Kamala Harris has spurred conversations online about how to deal with family members who have differing political views amid such polarizing times. Some people on social media have said that Trump’s win caused them to end communication with family members who voted for him.
How do you make that call? Are there steps you should take beforehand?
Here are some questions you should ask yourself right now and points to consider when approaching difficult political conversations with your parents.
Racine R. Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified clinical trauma professional, said people should consider the potential “cost” of talking about politics with parents.
“What’s the cost of addressing or changing that element of your relationship?” she said. “If you’re, let’s say, a college student whose parents are paying tuition or who you live with, and you know that … challenging that opinion could jeopardize your financial situation, then the cost is rather high.”
Conversely, Henry noted that someone who is less financially dependent on their family might have less to lose from bringing up politics, though the impact could still be “emotionally significant.”
“Ask yourself: What happens after this conversation? And can I live with that? Can I survive that reality?” she said.
And she noted that culture could play a role in your ability to broach the topic.
“Does your culture allow you to challenge and question elders?” she said. “Does your culture allow you to have an opinion that’s different from your parents? … For some people, the reality is that their families of origin aren’t a safe space.”
There are differing opinions and then there are beliefs that are harmful, according to Henry.
“It’s not just politics,” Henry said, referencing the “hate-mongering” in the Republican Party’s platform as an example.
“That goes beyond just an ‘opinion,‘” she said. “We’ve seen things in the last eight years, if not longer, that have been the result of these ‘opinions.’”
“It’s not just a matter of like, ‘I like vanilla ice cream, you like chocolate ice cream.’ This is about you supporting someone who wants to threaten my literal existence … because of how I identify or who I am or what I believe in,” she continued.
Henry explained that political beliefs intersect with the values we place on relationships, and that people who suggest that everyone should be able to separate politics from their relationships are speaking from places of “privilege.”
“I think for everyone it’s different,” Henry said, before sharing how people can recognize when they’ve reached that point for themselves.
“What happens for you when you’re around this person? … What physical reactions are you having? What are the mental and emotional reactions that you’re having?” she said. “If you find yourself stressed or anxious or upset or fearful, then that’s a good sign that this is no longer a healthy relationship for you.”
“As a clinician I don’t believe in [a] ‘cut-off,’ but I think that a boundary could result in that,” she added.
Henry said that one example of a politics-related boundary could be someone telling their parents that they can’t come to their house wearing political paraphernalia.
“People who really want to make you feel loved and respected and supported are happy that you have these boundaries,” she said, adding “Boundaries really only hurt people who have no intention of respecting you in the first place.”
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